It Begins...

There may be a few questions you are asking yourself right now as you read this. The first may be "Why is Chris starting a blog? He's got nothing good to say..." To which, you're probably right. The next may be "How did the name 'blog' come about for people to share their own thoughts and opinions on the world in the first place? That's kind of a weird name..." To which I would agree! How did that name come about? Or you may be asking "What did I have for breakfast this morning? Whatever it was, I hope it was delicious." If that's the case, then you and I are going to get along. (and I had a doughnut and a Hi-C Fruit Punch drink box... yes, I'm 5 years old.) But your final question may be "Why is the title of his blog 'My name is Chris, not Christ'? Isn't that a little prideful of him to put his name in the same sentence as Christ?" To which, here is my reply:

I'm not saying that I'm Christ. I'm saying that my name is close to Christ (add a "t" and you're there). There have been several times in my life where some one has misspelled my name by spelling it "Christ" rather than "Chris". In fact, I was talking to a good friend today on gchat who was telling me that when she texts using T9 word on her phone, if she starts typing in "Chris", it changes it to "Christ". There was another incident vivid in my mind when I was attending an AMAZING Steubenville of the Rockies event as a teen in Colorado. Before the Steubenville Conference (put on by these people http://www.franciscanyouth.com/ these are amazing experiences that, as a teen, truly formed a great foundation for my love for Christ) our entire group, which was like 3 bus loads full, would spend a few days camping at Noah's Ark near Buena Vista where we would go white water rafting and just have a blast. The day we got there, we were all assigned tents to sleep in, for there was to be no "purple". If you don't know what I'm talking about, ask a youth minister. So, my buddies and I scavenged the camp to find our tent. And finally we found the piece of paper that started off with a couple of their names. At the bottom of the paper was the name "Christ Walters"... Immediately I thought "Do they know something I don't?... Maybe they just think I'm really holy. Man, they are WAY OFF! But then again, maybe I am the second coming of Christ... No way! There's no way the second coming of Christ would have the flatulence that I have." (Some of that was added just now, the rest truly were my thoughts.) That's just an example of a time where an added "t" just added to my ego. 

But really, the name goes deeper than that. In my life, I've always wanted to be like Christ for others. I'm not saying that when I was 3 I was trying to walk on water or anything (or maybe that's what I was trying to do that one time I almost drowned when my family lived in Guam). But more so, I believe I've always tried to live up to my name. Christopher. Which means "Christ bearer". People pleaser by nature.  As my faith came along in high school, I really believed that being Christ for others was possible. Through my actions and the way I treated people, and at the same time realizing that judging others was not for me, but accepting others for who they are, that's how I believe I could be Christ for others. As that continued through high school and into college, I started realizing God was doing not only great things in me, but great things through me. And more often then I'd like to admit, I'd see those great deeds and think, in my prideful self, that they were great because of me. And even now, as a youth minister, it's hard to fight off the temptation to think the great things I may say or do or be a part of are from me. How foolish I can be...

Currently I'm participating in the "Preparation for Total Consecration according to Saint Louis Marie de Montfort", a preparation for consecrating oneself completely to Jesus Christ through Mary. (http://www.amazon.com/Preparation-Total-Consecration-Louis-Montfort/dp/0910984107, great practice!) This is something I learned from my days spending time with the great people at the St. Lawrence Catholic Campus Center at KU. I've done it probably 4 different times. And in it, it starts off with 12 days emptying oneself from the spirit of the world, then a number of days building up your knowledge of self, followed by days in the knowledge of Mary, and ending with days in the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Each day has certain prayers to pray, followed by a meditation. 

Today's meditation was from the book "Imitation of Christ" and was titled "That man has no good of himself, and that he cannot glory in anything". The line that really captivated my interest in this meditation was "Lord, I am nothing, I can do nothing of myself, that is good..." And I realized, I, Chris Walters, can do nothing of myself. I can do nothing on my own. All the good that I have done, or that I am doing, or that I long to do, is not from me. But rather, as the meditation continued "but Thou, O Lord, art always the same, and endure unto eternity, ever good, just and holy, doing all things well, justly and holily and disposing them in wisdom". All that I have done, or all that I am doing, or all that I long to do that is good, comes from God alone. Not from me, but from our Lord. All good comes from God... And what a relief that is.

The truth is, my name is Chris, not Christ... Yes, good can be done through me, but it is only done THROUGH ME, not from me. For God, in His infinite wisdom and love and goodness longs to work through each of us. He longs to do good through you and me. And the beauty is that in His grace and love, He is a part of each and every one of us. There is Christ in all of us. More often than not, we get in the way of Christ. We act although Christ wants to act through us. But when we can just get out of the way, when we can just allow Christ to act in us, when we can just let Christ look through us and see Christ in others, and love the Christ in others, and work for the Christ in others, and not judge another for who they are or what they do or how they live or how they act, but to love them for we see God, we see Christ within them... That's when goodness occurs. That's when goodness becomes incarnate. That's when our life is not just "pretty good" but FULLY good. For in us is the fullness of Christ. We just have to step out of the way and allow that fullness to shine through. That's what it means to be "fully alive"... To be able to echo along with St. Paul in his letter to the Galatians when he says "yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me..." (Galatians 2:20)

This is my pursuit. That I can some day say that it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me... And this is the purpose of this blog. For my name is Chris, not Christ... But that doesn't mean Christ can not live through me. That does not mean Christ can not do His good through me. And that goes for you too. Christ can live through you... Christ can do good through you... The question we all must ask is, how much longer am I going to stand in His way?...